blogging life

Writer’s block or a change of heart?

Bloggers go through blogging “life” cycles if you will.
In the beginning you’re all “I’m writing for me, I don’t care who reads!”
And then you start to see your traffic build and think well this is cool, people actually care what I’m writing about!
Well then companies want to send you free stuff and people want to pay you to write… say what?!
But then you start taking too many sponsored posts and you’re afraid of becoming a “sellout.”
So then you scale back from sponsored posts and start writing for you again. Or the people. Or whatever.
And then you get writer’s block and you think “Eh I’m just going to quit blogging.”
But then you stop and remember the reason you started in the first place. Whether it be a difficult stage in your life, your passion for writing, the need to connect with others, whatever. You dig deep in that clouded blogger brain and you find your inspiration.
So you start writing again and think “I’ll turn over a new leaf, it will be better this time.”
But it’s a cycle. Over the past four years, I’ve changed my blog name three different times, platforms twice, and my content which is all over the place and I’m not sure I can even breakdown the types of posts I consider normal content. 
I love writing and I love blogging. But sometimes I sit and wonder “is it worth it?” Because sometimes, I feel like the amount of time I’m spending on this little part of my life is a full time job with not even a part time income. That I’m worrying too much about something that is supposed to be “for fun.”
Was it ever intended as a money maker? No. But having the opportunity to meet people, do something I love, and make a little money on the side hasn’t been terrible. But when it all comes down to it, and I’ll be honest with you, I just don’t feel like I’m reaching as many people as I used to. Maybe blogging has changed, maybe people don’t the content I’m producing, I’m not sure. But I just feel like sometimes, I’m not sure I’m 100% committed to this space like I once was.
I’m not quitting. And I’m not looking for sympathy or to have anyone tell me to stay. I read and (try) to respond to every single one of you who comments, emails, tweets, etc. And I am so beyond thankful for the people I’ve met, relationships I’ve made, and opportunities I have.
But sometimes I wonder if the stress is worth it. And if you’re not a blogger, you may think I’m off my hinges for allowing blogging to stress me out. But at the end of the day, there’s a lot more that goes into blogging than sitting down to write a post.
I want to inspire. I want to give back. I want to relate. And I want to document my life. So that when I’m older and my kids are older, they can look back and see how I was. And how they were.
But at the same time, I want to protect them. And because of that, you will probably see them a little less of them on my blog and Instagram than in the past. Of course I will still talk about them and share stories, but I’m realizing more and more that once something is “out there”, it’s out there forever. And I don’t know that I want that for them.
Is it worth it for you? Do you find being a blogger stressful? Because although there is so much I love about blogging, I sometimes wonder if my little space on the internet is significant in the big scheme of things.
Maybe I need to take a step back and make a plan. We’ve had so much going on recently, the last thing I want or need to do is stress about the blog. This place, this “job” is fun because I love it…and I need to find that passion and drive again or it’s a waste of everyone’s time.  I guess for lack of better words, I just feel a little lost when it comes to this blank space that I have poured my heart and soul into for the last couple of years…
How do you find a middle ground between too much and just enough? Why do you blog? What keeps you motivated? 




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