When Z was deployed, my phone never left my side. It came into the bathroom while I showered, was on loud while I slept, and seeing a movie? In my hands so I could feel it vibrate and see it light up to ensure I didn’t miss his calls.
The call times were never the same. Sometimes they were early evening, sometimes they were in the middle of the night, sometimes they didn’t come at all. Maybe they would last for 10 minutes, 30 seconds, or over an hour. I never knew and I couldn’t go anywhere without my phone in hand. God forbid I missed a call, because I never knew when I was going to hear from him again.
Z is in the field this week working on training exercises with his company. I wasn’t able to talk to him all day yesterday and of course, when I went to brush my teeth and get ready for bed last night, he sent me a text saying goodnight. I got back into our room and almost cried because I wasn’t sure if I was going to text him back and get a response.
I know what you’re thinking. I sound ridiculous. We survived a 10 month deployment and I’m complaining about one day of no communication? Let me explain…
Things like this remind me of deployment and how hard it was. My phone didn’t leave my side yesterday, I came home to an empty house, and I had the same feeling of disappointment when I missed his attempt at contacting me last night. All of a sudden, it feels like deployment and my heart feels broken.
I can’t explain this. I am in no way comparing it to PTSD or other emotions that soldiers experience after a deployment, but I do feel that spouses have some sort of “trigger” that remind them of those scary months of the unknown. Not knowing when and if we’d hear from our spouses and for how long.
As we know, every couple argues about silly stuff and Z and I are no exception. I don’t even know what our argument was about the other day, but just having him away yesterday reminded me what it’s like to be without him. That alone, makes me want to pick my battles better and remember how quickly things could change.
“Live like he’s deploying tomorrow.”
This doesn’t apply to just military wives; we should all remember that there are things in life that when in the big scheme of things, just don’t matter as much as they seem at the moment.
I saw this on Pinterest last night (with thanks to A Happy Mum) and truly think these are great “secrets” of a happy marriage. I think we can all use this little reminder…
What marriage “secrets” do you have?