|Lucy and Lyla top c/o (sold out but similar here)/ Forever 21 jeans (thrifted but similar here)// Marc by Marc Jacobs bag// Jumping Jack headband c/o// Metal Marvels stone pendant necklace (use samantha20 for 20% off)// Cents of Style bar necklace c/o//Express sunnies// G by Guess boots c/o Rack Room Shoes// Alex and Ani bracelets//Photo credit: Amy Hess Photography|
I follow a lot of “mom” Facebook pages and I’m in a lot of mommy groups. I read a lot of mommy blogs and I have a lot of mommy friends (imagine that). And through all of these outlets, I see a lot of competition and judgment. In fact, one of the websites I follow almost encourages it! I mean sure, maybe they just want to prompt a discussion and have moms involved, but I almost feel like posting anything leads to a debate. “WHY I CHOSE TO BOTTLE FEED” has 800 comments arguing bottle vs. breast. Co-sleeping? Forget it. You did it wrong and your kid is doomed for life now.
I saw something the other night that kind of bothered me. I read an article where a woman skipped the epidural and had a natural birth… which is wonderful. Seriously, I give her MAJOR props because I would never want to do it. But the comments were things like “no one has a natural birth anymore and it’s sad.” And things like “I wish more women would try, I know they can do it ” (yes, we probably could). But I didn’t want to.
I wanted the epidural (spinal with P) because I was in so much pain that I wasn’t enjoying labor. I wanted to be in the moment, not blacked out in pain. I didn’t want to know if the grass was greener on the other side because the grass I was on was like a cloud of happiness and I liked it that way.
I breastfed. Do I have anything against mothers who didn’t? Nope, not in the least bit. That’s their CHOICE. We all have choices as mothers and we do what we want and what we feel is best. We co-slept with Nolan and absolutely refuse to co-sleep with P. Is one way wrong or right? No. We did what was best for us and best for our kids.
Do I think a woman who had a c-section is any less of a woman because she didn’t pop a baby out the “natural” way? Not at all. I admire women who had c-sections, that recovery can NOT be fun. Is a mother who chose adoption any less of a mother because “the kid isn’t her own”? No. She is every bit a mother, possibly more, because she has done something absolutely admirable by choosing to adopt.
Nolan was potty trained at 2 years and 3 months; do I judge any 3 year old who’s still in diapers? Or a child who needs speech therapy? Or their parents because their kid is “delayed”? Absolutely NOT. All kids develop differently and you can’t force things on them. Why are we comparing one kid to another and judging the parents for it?
My point is… we are all moms. No matter how we got there or how we choose to raise our kids… we’re moms. And we should encourage and support each other. I see these women tearing each other apart in groups or through comments on the web and just wonder why. We are all entitled to our own opinions and if said respectively, there’s nothing wrong with a little debate. Some women are actually curious as to why you did or didn’t choose drugs during labor. Or why you breastfeed instead of bottle feed. And everyone’s answer is usually different and that makes life interesting! It would be super boring if we were all cookie cutters, wouldn’t it?
But I just wish there was more support instead of more judgement. Or competition. These mom groups and websites should be a place for support, not a place where you feel as though you’re being judged for every move you make as a mother.
You’re a mom? Cool, me too! Let’s be friends 🙂 (Not OMG YOU BREASTFED? OMG YOU CO-SLEEP? OMG YOU LET YOUR KID CRY IT OUT? OMG YOUR KID NEEDS DISCIPLINE. ETC, ETC).