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Friday feelings.

Because every post needs at least one picture… 

I’ve been very grumpy the past few days and I’m not entirely sure why. I guess it’s been a few things adding up and yesterday, I just hit my breaking point. I mean, it’s Christmas, the most magical time of the year. But for some reason, I have so many things clogging my head that I can’t even get into the Christmas spirit.

Nolan turns 3 in a few weeks and when someone told me the Terrible Threes were worse than the Terrible Twos, I laughed in their face. How can it get any worse? I thought. Well let the tantrums, back talking, and crying for no reason begin. I know this kid has been through hell and back with moving, getting a sister, daddy leaving, traveling, etc… so I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. But Lord do we need to sit down and talk about a routine and some discipline when we get back to Georgia. 
And speaking of giving the benefit of the doubt, I really and try and do that. We’re human, I’m human, and sometimes I’m quick to judge or react. But I’ve tried really hard to see the good in everyone and find the strength to let things go when they need to be forgotten. But I’ve also learned that some people, well some people don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. And when you give it to them, it’s undeserving and they’ll walk all over you. 
I’m usually a pretty good judge of character, but I guess I’m blind sometimes. We want to believe in a “good thing” even when the initial experience is a little rocky. I’ve done this over and over and always end up getting screwed in the end. But how do you find that balance? The balance in believing someone really is good despite all of the signs that tell you they’re not? If you have the answer, please let me know. Because apparently I suck at it. 
A wise friend once told me that there’s room for everyone to be successful. We are all so different and have so many qualities, stories, talents, etc that make it possible for us all to be successful in whatever facet we want to be. It’s kind of like a Burger King and a McDonald’s being next to each other. Two restaurants, with similar products, yet they’re different. Some people will only eat at McDonald’s and some will only eat at Burger King. They both offer different choices and depending on the person or their mood, they may be more inclined to go to one or the other. Will the restaurants suffer? Probably not. Because there will always be someone who wants one of them. 
My point is, we are always going to have competition. Someone is always going to have a better resume, or more money, or a nicer car. There are always going to be people who can’t think for themselves and want to take the easy way out. People that try and steal ideas or take away the very success you’ve had and try and pass it off as their own. And most of the time, there’s not much you can do about it. 
Except use it as motivation to be better. Whether you’re a photographer, a small business owner, a doctor…whatever. Use it as motivation to get more creative, continue your education, or make yourself stand out. And do this because you want to be better, not to one-up everyone else or make it a competition. Life’s not about beating the person next to you, but rather being happy and successful at the same time. And if someone is trying to rain on your parade by being the one-upper, take that a sign of their insecurity and use it as your motivation to be a better person and more successful in whatever it is you want to be. 
It scares me to think of going back to work in a few years; not because I’ll have to be away from my kids (they’ll be in school anyways), but because I’ve been out of the workforce for so long. I don’t think I’m cut out for Corporate America after spending a few years there after graduating college, but I have no idea what I want to do. And why am I thinking so far ahead you may ask? Because we’ve been house hunting while we’ve been here. It may be a few years until we can move back and buy, but it doesn’t mean we can’t scope out the area, developments, and talk about jobs. And to be honest, it all scares the shit out of me. 
But I guess we can cross that bridge when we get there, right? Who knows, I may decide to get my Master’s Degree before then… or find something I’m so passionate about that I’ll know exactly what I want to do when we’re back in the civilian world. And until then, I’ll continue writing and doing freelance work here and there. And enjoying my babies while they’re little. 
Christmas used to be SO magical; and while Jesus is the reason for the season, I didn’t grow up in a super religious family. For us, it was magical because of the time we spent together as a family. A house full of people eating Italian food, wrapping presents, decorating the tree, watching Christmas movies, holiday craft fairs, and more. Waking up on Christmas morning and seeing mounds of presents under the tree. And while it was never about the gifts, it was about the excitement we felt. It was taking turns opening presents, calling our best friends to see what they got, and playing with our cousins while the grown-ups cooked Christmas dinner. 
While Jesus is the reason for the season, it’s also about family. Reminiscing about old memories and making new ones. Giving our children the same experience we had growing up, and starting new traditions as our own little family of four. Forgetting about the bad that’s happened over the past year and focusing on the new year that’s quickly approaching. 
I know this post is all over the place but as I said the other day, this blank space has always been there for me… regardless of what’s been going on in my life. This isn’t meant to come off as ungrateful or a “bitch” fest. Because if you know me, you know I am more thankful than ever this holiday season. But I’m human, I’m not perfect, and I don’t pretend to be. 
I’m real. And this is real life. It’s not always glamourous, but it sure makes for an interesting ride, don’t you think? 
Have a great weekend everyone! XO

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