I honestly don’t know how this weekend is going to go. P is still nursing and tomorrow is kind of the last day she has that option. Unless she makes it three days and tries to do it when I get back, she’s kind of done by default. She’s 17 months old and if we’re being honest, I’m ready to be done. I’ve been pregnant or nursing for 50 straight months and I’m looking forward to a little more freedom. We will find other ways to bond and I think she will still be a mamas girl, breastfeeding or not. Fingers crossed it all works out.
Being a mom is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. But let’s not try and sugar coat it…it’s hard. And if you know me, I admit that quite frequently. There are times when I don’t have one more ounce of patience; I lose my cool, I raise my voice, and I’m quick to anger. It’s hard to do simple things like unload a dishwasher or feed the cats before I have to run to the other room and see why someone is crying. Or put one in timeout while the other one taunts him. I’m constantly trying to find a balance between work and life, feeling guilty for the time I have to sit down at the computer to work instead of play with them. I know they’re only little once, so I do my best to minimize work time when they’re awake. But it makes it tough when one is getting six teeth and doesn’t go to bed until after 11. And then are awakened by their sibling at 6 am. I can’t do work after they fall asleep because I know it’s my only chance to sleep before I’m up in a few hours.
The struggle is real.
I always feel bad after they’re asleep. It’s the “mom guilt”… and I know you other mamas know what I’m talking about. I think “I could have been nicer” or “I should have been calmer” or “I wasn’t a good mom today”. But I know that all they remember is that we played hide and seek in the backyard that day. Or that we played “chase” around the living room. That they played in the sandbox and then I sprayed them with the “fire hose”. That they ate gummy worms after dinner while we made a fort and watched a movie. Those are the things that stick out to them. And that if they’re happy and healthy, I’m doing just fine.
I know I should be so excited to have a weekend alone with my husband and trust me, I am. But being a mom changes everything. You can’t “just relax” when you’re a mom. You’re worried if they’re being good or taking their naps. You picture them sleeping peacefully in your bed or splashing all over the bathroom during bath time, laughing until their bellies hurt. You think about them every minute of the day because that’s who you are now. You’re a mama…the keeper of little ones. You are your own person too, but your happiness becomes second to theirs. You follow your dreams so they can follow theirs. You work harder at your job so you can support them and give them a life they deserve. Everything is for them.
I’m not saying you lose yourself completely when you become a parent, but things change. Simple things like going to the store, taking a long shower, and sitting down to read a book are far and few between. But the laughs? The snuggles? The kisses? There are plenty of those to go around and there’s always time for those things.
And at the end of the day, I find that those are the ones that really matter.
I find that my style as a mom tends to be similar to how I would dress without kids. Minus heels every weekend at the bar but let’s be real, I think I would have outgrown that by now anyways. But most days consist of shorts and jeans if it’s cool enough. Someone posted about white jeans awhile back and I admitted I didn’t own a pair. Like how, I’m not sure. Because I’m obsessed with them now. I haven’t worn them a ton yet because I didn’t want anything to happen to them before our big trip this weekend. I mean, I don’t get away often and need to look fancy, right? But that’s the nice part about white jeans.. they can be casual like the look above or dressier with wedges and a cute tank.
And let’s talk about this mama tee from The Blue Envelope for a hot minute because I fell in love with it the minute I saw it. It doesn’t just say mama, but rather is made up of a bunch of words that describe a mom. Fun, lovely, teacher, supporter, and more. Be sure to check them out… these would make the perfect gift for a new mama or your favorite mama friends 🙂
Have a great day! xo