life

When it rains…

Have you ever had a span of time where you feel like your life is being controlled by a reality TV show crew? Like one where they play joke after joke on a poor innocent person and then come out with cameras, tell them they’ve been joking the whole time, they laugh it off and the show ends?
Well that’s kind of how my life has been the past couple of hours except the crew has yet to come out and tell me this is all a joke…and this nightmare of a show has not ended yet.
I went out Saturday night with my friend Whitney; we were ready for a few drinks, a lot of dancing, and an overall goodnight. Well I will go into details tomorrow about the lessons I learned at the bar, but you’ll just have to come back to hear those.
Let’s fast forward to the end of the night. We took a cab home and I used my keys to unlock the front door. My Mother-in-Law was standing in the living room with Paislee and I walked over to say hello, change, and then sit down to feed her. After feeding her, we made some food, watched TV, and then headed to bed.
I woke up the next morning and wanted to run out to the car to get something for Nolan. Well what do you know, I can’t find my keys anywhere. So we start searching. After two hours, nothing. After 5 hours, nothing. After 12 hours, nothing. And here we are, 48+ hours after our search began and I still cannot find my damn keys.
I’ve misplaced my keys before but this is absolutely absurd. And I will admit I had a few drinks but not to the point where I don’t remember anything from the night. I remember everything. But my keys? Pshh I misplace those all of the time so this was just one time too many apparently. I’m waiting for the camera crew to come out and tell me they’ve enjoyed watching me scour my home and crawl on hands and knees to find my keys but no such luck. So camera crew, can you come out yet, please?
I also found a Tick on Nolan’s head yesterday, which I smothered with Aquaphor and then removed with tweezers. And then I started feeling sick and checked my temperature and sure enough, I had a fever.
I can’t make this shit up people. It’s seriously been one thing after another and I apologize for being so MIA here but I honestly just feel like poop and that I’m being bitch slapped over and over again by the hand of the universe.
I’m headed to the doctor in a little and Z is going to overnight his set of keys to me. But the worst part about all of this is I know they were in the house somewhere and now I just can’t find them. I’ve checked the garbage, washer, dryer, stove, microwave, refrigerator, freezer, laundry baskets, under beds, between cushions, etc. NOTHING.
So anytime this nightmare of a show wants to end and give me back some peace, I would greatly appreciate it.
Hope you’re all having a better week than I am. Because when it rains, it effing pours.

 

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