My kids have been super needy lately. Z has been in and out with work and I think they’re confused. Yes, they’re young and they’re resilient but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel. They feel when their routine is different. They feel when they’re missing their daddy. They feel when I’m stressed and trying to stay afloat. They feel when my attention is spread thin and I can’t always be there like I need to be.
I sometimes get annoyed by their neediness. Because my bed needs made or the laundry needs switched. I’m either taking out the trash or doing the dishes. They’ve asked for 899 snacks that day and the 900th one puts me over the edge. I often lose my temper and yell, especially when I’ve told them a billion times to stop touching each other or quit playing hot lava across my living room. I overwhelm myself while trying to balance work and motherhood and because my husband’s job takes precedence over mine, I have to take a step back when I maybe don’t want to or feel like I can.
But as I was sitting with my daughter the other day and just holding her, my heart skipped a beat. I realized that sometimes, I forget how important these little moments are. That when daddy is gone, they need me more than ever. That I may have to wake up early or stay up late to get things done because during the day, they need my attention and love. But I shouldn’t do this only when daddy is gone, I should take the time to do this everyday.
I’m not the perfect mom but I will toot my own horn for a second and say I am very hands on. I roll across the floor and play hot lava, I play “Starbucks drive-thru”, and I’m the baby when they want me to be the baby while playing house. But there are times when I don’t want to play and just want them to learn to play by themselves or each other. I truly believe thats’s just as important as me playing with them is. But it’s all about balance. It’s about balancing my work life and home life and it’s about balancing when I play with them and when I have them play alone or together.
You know mom guilt? It’s a real thing. Like should I be playing with them more? Should I be working less? I’m a spaz and I’m constantly running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I’m running them to the playground, sports, school, and while these things are important, so are the simple things. My daughter hasn’t been upset when I’ve dropped her off at school in a long time. The past couple of times, she has been. Same with my son at his gym class. And the only thing I can think of is that they love me. They don’t care that I’m a crazy person sometimes or I don’t have it all together. When I’m gone, they miss me.
They’re getting older and I don’t want to blink and think “why didn’t I put the broom down and play with them when they asked?” Or “why did I complain when they wanted to sleep in my bed?” It’s these things, these little things, I’m going to miss and want back and I really want to make an effort to start soaking up these moments.
I’m doing the best I can and when Z is gone, I try even harder. It can be exhausting and I’m not perfect but as long as I’m showing them love and taking extra time out of my day to be there for them, I know that I’m doing everything I can and I’ll have no regrets when I look back.
What can you take away from this? Stop and smell the roses. As cliche as that is, it’s important to do it. Don’t worry about the laundry, the dishes, the bathrooms. Just be. It’s the little moments you’re going to remember (and miss) down the road.