life Motherhood

Is this grass greener?

 

I’ve written multiple posts about being a SAHM and wanting to work outside the home. You all know how much I love my babies but let’s be real, somedays they drive me bat shit crazy. But I wanted to stay home with them until they were both of school age; between most jobs available to military spouses and the cost of childcare, it just seemed like the most logical thing to do. And on top of that, they’re only little for so long and I wanted to make sure I was taking full advantage of that.

But when I saw a job posting on Facebook that seemed right up my alley, I decided to check it out. What’s the harm in just looking? I filled out the application, sent my resume, and received a call less than an hour later. I had an interview two days later and was offered the job two days after that. Woah Nelly, what just happened?!
It all happened very quickly and to be honest, I was severely anxious about the whole situation. Was I ready to leave my babies? Was I ready to jump back into the workforce? Could I handle working outside the home, being a mom, a wife, and a blogger? I didn’t know. And to be honest with you, I still don’t know how I’m going to to do it.
But the job is part time and my schedule is pretty much up to me. I have to work a certain amount of hours a week but how I work them is kind of at my discretion. I’m not fond of the idea that I will need to give up some nights and weekends but for the amount of hours I’m working, it won’t be that bad. And the pay is really good. Like, pretty sure it’s more than I made when I graduated college with my Bachelor’s Degree. And since you all know how much I love to shop, a little extra cash wouldn’t hurt.
I didn’t want to take the job just for the money but to be honest, that’s what I was drawn to at first. But once I read about the description and pictured myself doing said job, I began to get really excited. For a few hours a week, I won’t be mom. I’ll have an identity other than “booger wiper” or “lunch maker” or “diaper changer”. And trust me, there’s nothing I love more in this world than my babies. And maybe I’ll hate this job but maybe I’ll love it. If I never take the chance, how will I ever know?
So say hello to Fort Benning’s newest Dell Brand Ambassador. I’ll be working with the community to raise awareness of Dell products and all of the cool things they have to offer. This may mean some perks for you all as well 😉
I’m headed to Chicago this weekend for training… with little Miss P because as some of you may know, she refuses to take a bottle. Wish us luck as we embark on this new adventure and please say some prayers. I’m still a little nervous and anxious about taking this step and hope we all adjust well. Luckily, Z should be home with the kids at the times I need to work so they won’t need childcare nor will I have to pay for it.
And this may sound insane but I was worried this made me a bad mom. I love staying home with my kids and yes, I complain. And I almost didn’t accept the job because as much as I complain some days, I can’t imagine not being with them 24/7.
But maybe that’s what I need. Maybe that’s what they need. I don’t want to miss a single second of their childhood but I have to remember that next to mom, I’m a wife and a person with my own identity as well. And if I’m doing something that can benefit my babies and myself in the long run, maybe it will be worth it.
Is this grass greener on the other side? To be honest, I don’t know that it is. But perhaps I need to jump over the fence to find out for myself. I can always hop back over, right?

 

“To learn life lessons from a student, animal lover and self-proclaimed wine connoisseur, go on and visit The Eclectic Vet (Student)”

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