family kids parenting

Making decisions as a mom.

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I had somewhat of an idea in my head when I sat down to write this post. I was going to talk about motherhood and juggling life outside of it. That although I’m a mom, it’s not all I am. I love my kids to death, even when they drive me crazy, can’t imagine my life without them, etc. But then I got distracted and lost my train of thought. By what? My daughter… #irony.

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Getting anything done has been a challenge recently. I spend my mornings vacuuming each room three times because despite the rule that food doesn’t leave the kitchen, it does. I sleep with a giant toddler in my bed and one on the floor. I play zombies, tea party, and “chase”, not to be confused with tag due to the fact that you can’t touch the other person in chase. I wipe boogers and butts, pack lunches and fight about meals, and am constantly the prize in the battle between my son and daughter. Not a bad battle to be caught up in but I’m sure you can guess why it would be an issue. One mommy…two kids…outnumbered.

I hadn’t planned to be a stay-at-home-mom and then didn’t plan to be a work-at-home-one. But that’s the way the cookie crumbled and honestly, I’m surprised I’ve made it this long without any help. Of course I’m extremely grateful and in no way complaining, it just makes it hard to get work done sometimes. My husband can only do so much after work and on the weekends and we don’t have any family around to take a shift when necessary. So although I didn’t want to send Miss P to any type of daycare or school until it was time to start preschool, we’ve decided that two days a week for a few hours a day is exactly what everyone needs at this point.

She’ll be at school two days a week and the same time Nolan is. That’s 8 hours for me to work, shower, workout, or go grocery shopping without 4 extra hands and two very opinionated little mouths. Do you know how much I can get done in that time? I’m giddy just thinking about it.

I hate feeling guilty about working from home. Or the fact that I don’t have “office hours” and have to check my phone throughout the day. Maybe this will be the solution. Maybe this will help me have better quality time with them and help me to feel less stressed. Which in turn will make me a better mom.

Am I nervous to send her? Sure. But she’ll be near her big brother and I know and love the school. And she will absolutely love playing with other kids and getting to play in a new environment.  It will free up time for me to do the things I haven’t been able to get done and spend more quality time with them when they get home.

I know they’re only little once and I should want to spend every minute I can with them. But if we’re being honest, it can be exhausting and overwhelming at times. Again, I know I’m very lucky to have the opportunity to be home with them, but right now, I think this is what’s best for our family. A few hours a week for me to do what I need to do and a few hours a week for her to socialize with someone other than me or her brother tackling her every five minutes. Look at the positives here, right?

I’d love to hear from you if you’ve ever been in this situation or had to make a decision like this. I know as moms we need to make decisions for different reasons and all have different experiences, but it helps to hear that others have struggled with making them too. Makes it feel more normal, doesn’t it? Reminds us we’re all human and we’re all just trying to do the best we can.

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