Spouse disagreements and how to handle them
I’d be lying if I said my marriage was perfect. And anyone that says their marriage is perfect is lying to you too.
I love my husband but sometimes, we get in silly arguments and being the stubborn Italian I am, I refuse to let it go. I harp on it and I stay mad until he apologizes or I can’t take anymore of it. I wear my heart on my sleeve, my feelings are easily hurt, and I cry over the littlest things.
I’ve always been that way, and I always will be that way. I’m an emotional person and on an extreme level. When I love something I love it with all my heart, and when I’m upset, I cry until I feel better. It’s just how I am.
The other day, my husband and I got into an argument simply over a difference of opinions. I’m a busy body and come Saturday morning, I’m ready to get out of the house and go explore. I sit home all week and when we have time together, I want to take full advantage of it.
Unfortunately for me, he had a different plan. He wanted to sit on the couch and relax. Wait relax, what’s that? I never relax. I can’t sit still to save my life, and watching TV without my phone? Forget it! I swear I have ADD but unfortunately I’ve never been diagnosed. Which reminds me I should probably make an appointment for that…
Anyways, I was upset because I took it as he didn’t want to spend time with his family, but the way he saw it, he just wanted to spend time home after a stressful week at work.
My feelings were hurt because I had big plans for us and felt let down that he didn’t want to do them. He was annoyed because his plans had been changed without even knowing it. Soon enough, he felt obligated to go and I was left feeling like he was doing it against his will.
I told him I would go alone but at that point, it only would have gotten worse if he stayed home. Well because I was already in a bad mood, things just escalated and it wasn’t until tears were shed that we finally were able to talk it out and mend things.
Is arguing fun? No. But it’s healthy. Most people picture arguing as full out screaming, yelling and cursing. I can assure you that wasn’t the type of argument we had. I feel as though using the word argument or fight makes it sound way worse than it is but I guess that’s what it was. However, it was tactful.
Disagreements are going to happen. You’re two people, living one life together. It’s okay, heck it’s normal to have separate likes, dislikes, wants, and needs. What we should have done, was discuss what we wanted to do that day and compromised. Maybe we went out for a little bit and then spent the rest of the day relaxing. Or maybe he joined Bubba and I for a little bit and then I dropped him back off at home.This way, both parties were content.
But had we not gotten in that argument, we wouldn’t have known that’s how each person felt about their choice of activity. So I wanted to share some tips I came up with to help all of you should this situation ever arise:
1. Ask the other person what they feel like doing.
2. Listen to what they say before you begin speaking or thinking whether or not it’s something you want to do.
3. If you like the idea, great!
4. If you don’t like the idea, suggest an alternative.
5. If they like the alternative, great!
6. If they don’t like the alternative, suggest a compromise.
7. If you can’t compromise, take one for the team and tell them next time, you get to pick.
8. Be kind.
Marriage is a learning curve; it’s new and it can be overwhelming at times. The best thing you can do is remember that you’re both learning and that you don’t know everything. However, you do have one thing in common; you want to live happily ever after and you can’t do that without learning by experience.
Don’t think every fight is the end of the world. It’s a lesson, and trust me, marriage is full of them.
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