When “it” just isn’t there…

I’ve started writing this post a few different times now and no matter how I try and start, it doesn’t seem to be coming out right. In fact, that seems to be a trend of mine lately; nothing I say or write seems to be coming out right.
With everything going on in my life, my mind is just super clouded. Clouded with stress, fear, uncertainty, sadness, and as someone who has turned to writing their entire life, it just doesn’t feel right. I’m used to sitting down at my desk, turning on my computer, logging onto Blogger and just pouring my emotions into this little white space. But lately, it just doesn’t feel that my heart and soul are in my writing because I’m so busy pouring it into other things.
I’ve been blogging for over three years now and it’s all come full circle; it started with a deployment and now we’re facing our second one. No, I’m not going to quit blogging because quite honestly, I need it and I need all of you. It’s something I do for myself, something I love to do each day. But lately it hasn’t been that and I never want to clog your newsfeeds with junk or crap that makes you want to skip on by or hit the “x” before you even make it past the first paragraph.
For me, blogging is best when it’s from the heart. When I have a funny story to tell or when I have a great outfit to share with all of you. It’s fun when it comes easy and it’s helpful when I can sit and make sense of my thoughts while writing them here. But with time dwindling down and our last few weeks together slowly closing in, I just don’t know that my mind is clear enough or that my heart is 100% committed to giving this here blog the time and love it needs.
I know, it’s summer and no, I’m not apologizing for being MIA. Because at the end of the day, we all have lives outside of this little blog world and we all know how it goes. Our kids get sick, our husbands leave, the dog needs a walk, dinner needs made, furniture needs rearranged, you’re pulling overtime at work, etc. Life happens, and none of us should ever be sorry for that.
But what I am sorry for is losing my voice. For losing the sense of why I started blogging in the first place. I love making extra money from sponsored posts and I love learning about new products or services, but was that why I started blogging in the first place? No. So yes, there will still be sponsored posts here and there over the next few weeks but unless I’m really dying to write, you may not see me for a little while.
I’ve always wanted this space to be a place where you get to know the real me; I’m not perfect, I’m not a supermodel, and I’ve never tried to be someone I’m not. I’m real, I’m honest, and I work hard to be the best wife and mother that I can.
So with that being said, the best wife and mother I can be right now is a present one. I need to be there for my husband and babies over the next few weeks and really be there. Not checking my phone every five minutes, not telling them “five more minutes, mommy is almost done”, or taking five minutes to read a blog post. Because these little “five minutes” add up and soon enough, I’ll be wishing I had “just five more minutes” with my family of four.





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