|Lucy and Lyla dress c/o// Target fur vest (couldn’t find it but love this one)// Aldo purse (old but similar here)// Marshalls booties (old but similar here)// Express sunnies// //Photo credit: Amy Hess Photography|
One of my bloggy besties, Kait, wrote a post the other day that brought back some pretty intense emotions. Of course I can relate to answering that question of, “how do you do it?”, because I get it all the time. And I couldn’t have said it any better than she did… we just do.
But those emotions aren’t the ones I’m talking about. While we were back in Ohio visiting one time, some pretty nasty things that were said about me got back to me. Now I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion and trust me, people had plenty of opinions when Z and I first got engaged. We moved fast, yes, but when you know you know. And unless you’ve been in that position, you may not understand it. And if you disagree with me, that’s your prerogative too.
And while I’m all for differing opinions and having your own, I do not agree with saying hurtful things about people and their decisions. My mom gave me some of the best advice anyone has ever given me before by saying that you don’t know what you would do in a situation until you are in it. Timing, experience, life… there are so many factors that go into making a decision and you will never know the full story behind someone else’s decision making process.
But this person was actually someone in my family. Not someone I saw often or spoke to regularly, which almost made me even more upset. They didn’t know me. They didn’t know the circumstances. They didn’t know everything that had happened. But yet they were so quick to say “I don’t feel bad for her. She knew what she was getting into. She’s too much”. What was this in regards to? Zach deploying and us announcing we were pregnant.
Military life is challenging, yes, but it’s also extremely rewarding. And at the end of the day, we are just husband and wife who love each other. There may be ups and downs but you’ll have that in every marriage. Challenges? Those too. And although we don’t know exactly what we [military spouses] are getting ourselves into when we say “I do” to our soldier and Uncle Sam, we do know that we will have to roll with the punches and take each day as it comes.
So did I know what I was getting myself into when I married Zach? No. I had no idea what being a military spouse meant. But I knew that I loved him, and I would choose this life all over again if it meant being with him.
Moral of the story: I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me. I don’t ever feel bad for myself. No military spouse wants you to feel bad for them. Because while we may face different challenges than a civilian married couple may face, anyone that truly loves their spouse would do the same too. Because that’s what love is. It’s sacrifice, it’s compromise, it’s learning, it’s growing. It’s having a sleepover every night with your best friend. It’s taking the bad with the good. It’s the laughs, the cries, the smiles. It’s all of it.
So sometimes, it’s not what we say, but how we say it. And how this person said it, it was meant to be nasty. I can’t control what people say, but I can control the people I let into my life. Or in this case, the people I let out. I never wanted anyone to feel bad for me, but saying something to hurt someone else does nothing for anyone, does it?