Do you ever think you were meant to live another life? Now don’t get me wrong, I am completely content with my little family and life as a mommy and wife. But sometimes I look at magazines and get this little butterfly feeling in my stomach.
Like I was meant to be apart of it.
I got my Bachelor’s degree in Strategic Communication and always saw myself in Public Relations. I wanted to work for a sports organization and be apart of the chaotic day to day madness that goes along with the sports field. I wanted to represent players, or a team, or something in that area. After taking a job with the Cleveland Cavaliers after graduation, I learned that maybe that wasn’t my calling after all. As hard as I tried to move up and as much as I wanted it, it didn’t seem to be enough or where I belonged.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do; I didn’t know what my passion was and I didn’t have too many options financial wise. I needed to stay in Cleveland because I needed to lean on my parents for a place to live and other financial help. I started working for a tanning salon and loved it. Sure, it wasn’t a job ” I should have after graduating college” but I didn’t care. I loved the people I worked with, I loved the client base, and I loved listening to music and being in a good mood all day.
Then one day, I came home from work and had a note that an old family friend had a position open within her company and wanted me to apply. It wasn’t the type of job I ever saw myself doing but hey, it paid a larger salary than my tanning salon job and I was eager to “start a career”. The company was up and coming and I was told there would be plenty of room for growth, as well as more moola down the road. Well after a year there, things started to take a turn and I wasn’t happy anymore.
And then I met Zach and I found my forever. He had just enlisted in the Army and I knew that a move would be in my near future, so it would be time to leave the company anyways. After 13 months in Corporate America, I learned that it wasn’t an environment I saw myself working in long term. Most people go to an office everyday and work the 9-5 grind but after experiencing what I had, it become clear that it just wasn’t for me.
So Zach and I moved and I realized I would figure out my “career” down the road. He was the best thing to ever happen to me and soon after, our first little blessing would be the next. Although I can’t imagine my life without these boys, I still wonder what it would be like to have a career; to live in the city. To take the L from one part of town to another. I love the sounds of the cars and the hustle and bustle. I love the nightlight and the feeling of a small town within the streets of a big city. I just love it.
Sometime within the past few years, I developed a love for fashion and felt that my calling was there. I had always loved clothes and accessories and more but it became more of an obsession than that. I’d watch reruns of Sex and the City and want that life. Not the sleeping with countless men or being broke in Manhattan but I wanted to write and write about fashion. I wanted to attend Fashion Week and work at Vogue and drink Cosmos and be in the middle of all of it.
The worst part is that I feel like my time has passed. I don’t regret turning down any one road and changing the course of my life, but I just wish there was still time. When I graduated, I wanted to move to Chicago but couldn’t swing it financially. I took jobs around here and lived with my parents and thought maybe one day I would make it there.
I’m 26 going on 27, and know that kind of lifestyle will only be a fantasy for me. And I’m okay with that. It’s a strange concept to think you only get one chance at something like that but at the same time, I’ve started my family and will have chances that other people don’t have and vice versa. I am extremely thankful for what God has given me and truly feel blessed to be surrounded by the love I have in my life.
Although I may never live in a big city or land that “dream” job, I’m not giving up on my dreams just yet. Maybe I’ll get to write a column for a fashion magazine one day. Or maybe I’ll get a job writing about sports for a local newspaper. Who knows; but what I do know? That being a mommy and a wife is the dream job I never knew I had. I get to take care of the most amazing little human beings and husband and live the life I never knew I wanted.
What do you want to be when you grow up? Because although I’m 26, I still don’t know. I know that people criticize me because I don’t work and that I don’t know if I will ever fall into the category of a Corporate America employee. But it’s not me; it’s never been me. As much as I’ve tried to fit the mold, it doesn’t make me happy or bring out the butterflies that I get when browsing through the latest InStyle or heading into a store at the change of the season. I know I may never get this “dream job” and I’m okay with that. But I refuse to compromise and sit behind a desk punching numbers or doing something else I hate just because “that’s what you’re supposed to do.”
I want more than that and I will find something that makes me happy one day. For now, being a wife and a mommy is more than enough.
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