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Photo credit: Amy Hess Photography
I struggle a lot with my path in life sometimes. I’m a Type A personality; I’m driven, stubborn, hardworking, and independent. When I graduated college, I accepted a job for passion, not money. But soon enough, bills won over daydreams and I set out to look for something else. I moved to Cincinnati and tried my luck there, but my anxiety got the best of me and I became homesick. I moved back and worked at a tanning salon until I could find something permanent and actually enjoyed what I did. But knew I couldn’t do it forever.
And then out of the blue, a job presented itself and I took it. It was decent money and for awhile, I enjoyed it. But then I grew to dislike it and it became something I did to pay the bills, not something I loved. But I knew that a lot of people felt the same way about work and maybe one day, I would find a job that I loved.
And then I met Zach and the craziness began. Right off the bat, we were moved to New York, where I planned to look for a job and start a career. However the army and apparently God had other plans; Zach was scheduled to deploy and I was pregnant. I had decided to move home to make things easier and while I was there, I worked for my old boss at an after school program.
But eventually, I had to move back to New York when Z was scheduled to come home from Afghanistan. But this time, I had a newborn on my hip. How would I find a job then? Would I find a job to balance out the cost of daycare? I had always said I would be a woman with a career, not a career woman, but at this point I was neither. I sat back and watched everyone else get promotions and land their dream jobs and what was I doing? I had not a clue of my path at that point.
And to be honest, I still don’t. I’m not sure what I want to do or where my passion lies. I love writing and I love marketing but how will I even compare to a candidate that’s had years of experience. By the time I return to work full-time, I will have been out of college for a decade or so with only stints of jobs here and there. And although I sometimes treat my blog as a business, will any employer see it that way? Will I ever find my niche and have a career?
I’m not entirely sure. I don’t have an answer to that and it scares me. I don’t know how long we’ll be in Georgia and then what our plan will be after that because even if we have a plan, it doesn’t mean it will work out that way. I went to college and got a Bachelor’s Degree for a reason… but will I ever use it? Will it be worth anything by the time I go back to work? Will I find a job I love?
I may be naive or somewhat of a dreamer, but I want a job I love. I want that whole “love what you do and you’ll never work a day in your life” thing.. but how realistic is that? How many people love what they do or simply do it to pay the bills?
I love being a mommy and right now, I’m trying to focus my energy on the kids and the blog. But I can’t help but feel like I’m coming up short in a professional respect. How do you measure success? In awards? Promotions? Salary? Happiness? I’m not sure. And I’m not sure I will have the answer to that for a long because until our lifestyle changes, I won’t be certain of my path in life.
A career may come when all of this is said and done and who knows, it may never happen. And maybe the idea in my head is completely different than how it will play out. Maybe I’m not meant to have a career but rather focus my energy in other places. I’m not really sure. But I guess all I can do at this point is worry about the present and focus on what I do have rather than what I don’t have. A loving husband, two beautiful children, nice things, my health, my blog, and so much more. And for those things, I’m extremely thankful and I guess in turn, “successful”.
How do you measure success? Do you feel like you’re successful? Do you feel like you need a career outside of the home?