career family life

Making grown-up decisions

grownup

Being a grown-up sucks. When you’re a teen, you want so badly to be a grown-up so you can move out and have a place of your own. Well if I could go back and slap my teenage self across the face, I would. For more reason that one. But the part about moving out… that one would be the first reason.

I never really had a life plan. After high school, I’d go to college. Everyone I knew went to college and there was no other choice to make other than where I was going to go. So I chose my school and couldn’t wait to take my first leap towards being a grown-up.

I spent the best four years of my life figuring out who I was, blowing money I didn’t have, and making the best memories I’d never trade for anything in the world.

I started to panic second semester senior year. What was next? I couldn’t afford to move to a new city and start a job, so I’d have to move back home and find one there. Luckily, I lined up a job with the Cleveland Cavaliers before graduating, and felt like I had somewhat of a plan. I’d work there for a few months and live with my parents until I saved up enough to move out. Maybe I’d stay in Cleveland, maybe I’d move to Chicago like I had always wanted. I didn’t know.

Well six months into my job, I realized I wasn’t happy. I wanted to explore other options and another city. I “moved” to Cincinnati for two weeks and lived with a friend. And her parents. I struggled to get interviews and fell into a depression. I missed my family, I had no job (I think I worked at Pottery Barn and babysat for a week), and I just wanted to move home. So I did.

I found a job at a tanning salon for the next 4 months. And to my surprise, I loved working there full time. I loved listening to music blast over speakers all day. I loved the fun and carefree atmosphere. And I loved chatting with customers coming in and out all day. But it wasn’t a job I had gone to college for and I knew I needed to continue my job search to make that full time income. I needed to “use my degree” like everyone kept saying I needed to do.

So I found a job. An entry level job at a company that wasn’t anywhere in my field, but paid decently and was up and coming. There was potential for growth and other people my age working there, so I absolutely loved it at first. I didn’t mind the 9-5 or sitting behind a cubical, because it was new and exciting. But 8 or so months in, I had this itch to leave. The people and company were great, but my gypsy soul needed a change and room to breathe.

Funny enough, this is around the time I met Zach. As most of you know, our relationship moved quickly and before I knew it, we were married and moving to Fort Drum, NY. So I quit my job, picked up my life, and moved. Again, with no plan in mind.

Let’s fast forward four years. We’re living in GA with two kids, own a house, and pay bills. And within the next few months, we’re coming to a crossroads where we need to make a decision. A plan, if you will. Will he stay in the military? Get out? Will we move back to Ohio? Will he find his dream job? Will I go back to work full time?

It’s hard to make a plan when you don’t know what’s going to happen, isn’t it? That somehow, we need to make a decision that affects the next 3-7 years of our lives. And not only our lives, but more importantly our children’s lives. We need to be financially secure. We need to be stable and surrounded by a community they know and feel safe in. We need to think about our family in other states and how this time away from them is time we can’t get back.

And it sucks. Because we talk about it everyday and can’t make a decision. At least yet anyways…but the time is ticking.

Pray for an answer? Pro/con list? Flip a coin? I don’t know how we are going to figure this one out. But I didn’t have a plan before and somehow, here I am. So I guess it will all work out someway, somehow, right?

Are you where you saw yourself when you envisioned your life? Did you have a plan? How do you make these types of decisions? 

 

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