When I look back on the person I was a few years ago, I sometimes cringe. I’ve learned so much about myself as a person, how to treat others, and how to deal with situations. Sometimes I look back and want to punch my old self in the face. There were many times were I came off pompous, self-righteous and entitled and of course I had no idea I was acting that way at the time. But life has dealt me situations where I’ve been forced to grow up and really allowed me to grow into the person I am today.
I’ve learned to take responsibility for my actions.
To say sorry when I’ve needed to say sorry.
To say thank you when I’ve needed to say thank you.
To ask for help when I’m struggling.
To mend relationships that have gone sour.
To forgive people when they ask for forgiveness.
To let things go.
To not dwell on the little things.
To be a bigger person when some people can’t be.
To appreciate everything I’ve been given.
I’ve learned to appreciate this lifestyle and take the bad with the good. It’s not easy but it’s my life. And if I wait for the next stage of our life, I’ll be wasting the time I have now.
When I got picked up for my event the other day, my driver told me I had a larger than life personality. He was very into astrology and asked what my sign was. I kind of chuckled but he could tell from the way I carried myself that I was confident and just content with being me. Again, I laughed because I haven’t always been this way. And I still second guess myself sometimes. But I guess I’ve just become more comfortable with who I am as I’ve gotten older. That people can take it or leave it… this is me. And when at one point it hurt my feelings or bothered me if someone didn’t like me, I’ve learned now that it’s their problem, not mine. I’m me and this is how I am.
I sometimes say things I don’t mean.
I publicly share my hardships.
I celebrate my successes.
I forget to respond to texts or call people back.
I take too many pictures.
I’m on my phone a lot, mostly for work.
I can sometimes be a lot to handle.
I go out of my way to make people happy.
I’m a lover. Of people and animals (hence the two dogs, two cats situation…)
But it took me a long time to be comfortable with who I am and how I act. And it’s still a work in progress. But I try and do good everyday. I try to be the best I can and when I have a bad day, I wake up the next day hoping to do better. Trying to do better.
It really bothers me when people bring up things I’ve said or done in the past that may have been snotty, rude, or ignorant. I don’t remember doing those things and that isn’t the person I am now. I can apologize for it (again) but what can I really do about it now? People grow and change and if we can’t learn to let things go, it’s not helping us move on.
I care immensely for other people. My family and friends mean the world to me. I even care for people I’ve connected with briefly in my life or people I’ve “met” through blogging and social media. But at some point over the last few years, I’ve learned that despite caring deeply for others, I need to do what makes me feel good. I need to do what makes me happy and makes me feel accomplished. Some people may not agree with my decisions or may have their opinions but at the end of the day, this is my life. And while I used to lose sleep over making people happy and being well liked, I’ve learned that may never happen. So being the person I want to be, regardless of what other people think, is the only way to really live my life.
Take responsibility for your actions. Say I’m sorry. Forgive others. Tell your loved ones you love you. Be the best you that you can me. I’m comfortable as me and the person I am today. And if you’re not there, you’ll get there. And you’ll learn to be comfortable too.
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