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Dear Nolan // 22 Months.

Dear Nolan, 
As I sit here and watch you play make believe in your Crazy Coupe, I can’t help but get a little emotional about the fact that you will only be an only child for a few more months. With all of the craziness surrounding our move, your sister’s arrival, and the holidays, I wanted to take a minute to let you know how much I love you. 
Each day is an adventure; you love playing trains and cars and that’s usually how we spend most of our time. You also love to go “bye bye” and nag me until we leave the house.You’re a little explorer and love to get out of the house and be active. I hope you never lose that zest and need for adventure. 

You’re also an overachiever; you’ve been talking in sentences for a few weeks now and it amazes me how smart you are. You’ve begun stuttering because you’re trying to get so many words out and your mouth is working slower than the thoughts in your head. I admire your desire to learn and with every word I say, you’re right behind me repeating it and adding it to your vocabulary (which also makes me watch what I’m saying). 

You’re so excited to be a big brother. I don’t think you really understand that Paislee is going to be here, as a part of our family and forcing daddy and I to divide our attention between the two of you. It’s going to break my heart when I have to nurse her and can’t play with you or entertain you like I do now, but I know you’re a little spitfire and you’ll bounce right back. Please know that when I’m nursing the baby or attending to her, it doesn’t mean I love you any less. It just means that she isn’t as big or independent as you yet and I need to help her a little more. 
But you love to rub lotion on my belly, “massagies” as we call it, and talk to her. You lift my shirt up and say “Hi Paislee (which is mostly P), love you, bye” and pull my shirt back down. You love snuggling up against me and it just melts my heart that you still need me so much. 
You absolutely love going to your gym class and have come SUCH a long way from the beginning. You used to fight me and hate sitting down during instruction time but now, you look forward to it. You sing the songs, you dance the dances, and you yell “HOORAY” louder than anyone else in class. Your smile lights up the room, any room, and I can’t believe that you’re all ours. 

We usually watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse while you settle down for bed, but recently you don’t mind just lying in the dark and having me sing to you. Since weaning you off nursing, I’ve always sang the same few songs to you, and in the same order. “You are my Sunshine” was always your favorite and still is. You gently twirl my hair and right before you fall asleep, wrap your arms around my neck and face me, placing your cheek on mine. Then when you’re ready to drift into dreamland, you roll to the other side and have me pat your bottom or rub your back. Same thing, every night.

You aren’t always cupcakes and rainbows, especially when you don’t get your way, but I have no one to blame for that but myself. You certainly get your stubborn jeans from mommy and we are both working on that one (still). Although I wish you would listen better sometimes, I admire you for knowing what you want and when you want it. You’ve shown me you’re assertive and are going to do great things someday. 
But if only you knew how much you’ve already done for me. You’ve given me a reason to live, and showed me that being a mommy was something I never knew I always wanted. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything; no amount of money, or living in a big city, or drinking rum and diets at happy hour. Nope, none of that could even compare to how I feel when you want to snuggle me or wipe my hair out of my face and whisper “love you, mommy”. 
I can’t thank you enough for making me a mommy and bringing so much joy to my life. Your daddy and I love you very much, and I hope you always know that. 
Until next month, 
Mommy. 

 

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