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Guest Post #2: GridIron Lipstick

 Hi there! I’m Kait and I blog over at GridIron Lipstick, where I’m talking about everything from my obsession with Chrissy Teigen, to life in the NFL, and traveling crazy distances to see my boyfriend who is stationed in Hawaii (OH, Army life). 

I love Samantha and so when she asked me to take the reigns while she, Z, and little Bubba are having fun in Chi-Town–I couldn’t say no! While I’m no expert on child rearing (not a mama, but was once a nanny)…I wanted to share with you all some of the reasons why I think traditional nursery rhymes are disturbing. I mean, we’ve got everything from death by plague to bruised up babies. Without further ado:

“Rock a bye baby on the tree top,
When the wind blows the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.

Above
all else–there is a baby in a cradle on top of a tree. Someone get
child services on the phone. The wind blows rather strongly, the branch
of the tree will
eventually break so that the cradle (and the innocent little babe
inside it) will probably crash  down on the ground. No one seems to care
what happens next, so this rhyme ends with a bruised up baby in a
broken bassinet.

“There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn’t know what to do.
She gave them some broth,Without any bread,
Whipped them all soundly, and sent them to bed.”

Now
this rhyme makes the Duggars look like parents of the year. This old
woman actually lives in a big shoe–kids and all! She doesn’t really
even know what to do with them. It seems that she’s poor, stressed out,
and needs to get on Obama’s list of hand-outs. She feeds her kids
soup–no bread–this is sounding more and more like one of Hitler’s
ideas, because after she feeds them glorified water she beats them!

And I’ve saved my absolute favorite for last, because well…’tis the season:

“Peter Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and couldn’t keep her!
He put her in a pumpkin shell,
And there he kept her very well!”

Wait
a second..what? This old dirt bag put his wife in a pumpkin? He
probably couldn’t keep her because he never paid enough attention to
her–cue: an episode of Dr. Phil–so serves him right. Could one even
survive in a pumpkin? For her sake, I hope it was jack-o-lantern style,
so..you know..breathing holes.

And this is just a sampling! Believe me, I could go on for days about this. Actually, I did. You can read about it here. Now, how about some Dr. Suess?

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