I don’t even know how to start this post today but I feel like I need to write; so I hope that by the end of this I have an idea where I was going and it makes sense for all of you too.
Zach and I have been married almost three years now and I would be lying to you if I said marriage was easy. Unlike dating, it comes with a lot of extra baggage and a lot of extra, hiccups, if you will.
Because of the military, we haven’t had the normal type of marriage you typically hear about. You know, “the first year is the hardest”, “a honeymoon period”, etc. We’ve seen wars, close calls, two pregnancies, and difficult separations; we’ve gone through more these past three years than a lot of people do in a lifetime.
Now I’m not saying I don’t love my husband because let’s face it, people get married and divorced faster than Kim Kardashian these days and if I was really unhappy, I’d be out quicker than a poptart. But I love him. And I would do anything for him…
Want to know one of the hardest parts about being married? Giving in when you don’t want to. Marriage is about compromise and working together but sometimes, one person has to give more than the other. And I think this is something a lot of married couples will tell you.
Marriage is bringing two people together to form one unit. Yes, both people still have their own personalities and their own likes, wants, desires but a good marriage has one agenda. Happiness as a whole.
And what I have found more often than not, is that some people who aren’t married don’t understand this about married couples. Or even people that are, people who have been married for years and years, seem to forget this part of the equation. I don’t want to generalize, hence why I said some.
When Zach and I first got married, we were still adjusting to life as one unit. People would ask us to go out separately for guys and girls nights or do this and that and trust me, I understand that remaining an individual is important in a marriage. But when said marriage involves spending more time apart than together and working hard to make up lost time, things like this aren’t our first priority.
No, we don’t want to do this without the other person.
No, there is no time with just one or the other.
No, we don’t want to go away for a weekend without each other.
And that’s something that we decided. Other marriages may be different and sure, this may change over time. But when we began the journey, we needed to adjust to life from two to one. And then we had to adjust to life with a baby. And soon we will have to adjust to life with two babies. And people need to respect that.
I don’t want to say everything but a lot changes when two people enter into a marriage; they change as individuals and they change as a couple. But it’s for the better, I promise you this. Being married means putting the other person before yourself. It means giving in when you don’t want to. It means saying “I’m sorry” and admitting when you were wrong. It means loving more than you’ve ever loved before.
I’m sure you’ve seen this article go viral by now but I saw it the other day and it really made me think. Yes, I used to be selfish at one point in my life. I think we all get a little selfish and maybe sometimes, I still do. But when I married Zach, I dropped everything because I wanted to support him and his decision to join the military. When he deployed, I kept it real on the home front. When he left for school, I took care of everything back home too.
Does he owe me or do I owe him? No. Because that’s not what marriage is. Marriage is supporting the other person and their dreams. Sure, I went to college and I have dreams too. But in supporting him in his choices, I have discovered I love being a wife and mommy and get more satisfaction doing those things, more than any job could ever give me.
Marriage is different for everyone but at the end of the day, it’s still based on the same principles.
There should be respect, and love, and trust, and so much more. There are going to be bumps. There are going to be dark times. There are going to be happy times. There are going to be celebrations. No marriage is perfect, but what really matters is that those married are perfect for each other.
Again, I’d be lying to you if I said Z and I didn’t have challenges and fights and arguments over the past three years. I think it would be weird not to. But what really matters is that we love each other enough to make it through these times. We love each other enough to compromise, or put our dignity aside, or just laugh at the fact that we’re fighting over something so stupid.
That’s a good marriage. That’s true love. And that’s what’s going to get us to our happily ever after.